Departure to National Service, revisited

This, my friends, is a post I wrote before leaving for National Service last year.

I remember how terrified I actually was to go there. After hearing that at least sixteen trainees died during the entire execution of the National Service programme, I began to fear for my life. I did not want to die, and I was aware that I ran the risk of dying. I never saw myself as a survivor, and in actual fact, I was the weakest among all the 200+ trainees in Camp Miri (physically). I saw with my own eyes how distance made the heart grow fonder… Just a few months prior to NS, I was regarded as a good-for-nothing scoundrel by the people close to home ; on the day I left, the same people wept bitterly.

2009.06.16 came with its anecdotes. For starters, I met two of my closest friends in NS, whom I affectionately call Léa and Juliane. I remember how the bus moved back and forth, minutes before we finally left for the airport. I remember the economy class flight we were on, as well as the cultural shock I got when I found that almost none of the trainees could speak English (only seven or eight of us could). I remember how disappointed I was to note that there was no hot water in the bathrooms, as well as the holes on the concrete floor in our room. I remember the slop we were served, and how all of us threw our fish into the bin in disgust (the gravy served with it was freaking GREY IN COLOUR). I remember how we were assembled without our uniforms – it was wonderful to see a sea of colour. All of us had our hair in good shape back then ; the boys sported mohawks and whatever other outlandish hairstyles we could name. It was at the 8:35 night gathering that we first learned the National Service theme songs. (Speaking of which, I reckon that this current batch – Group 3, 7 Series, would already be sitting for their night assembly.)

I must revisit this three-month ordeal which I went through, and how I survived each day. Well, of course, there’s the National Service Journal, in which I wrote day after day without fail just to preserve my sanity, pictures and videos to show people what I’ve been through. But the pictures and videos in the journal don’t show the darker side of NS : vice. No one mentions (or ever dares mention) about brawls, bullying, theft and/or harassment in the media – many of us are clouded by fear and/or ignorance that we only mention isolated cases to the media. In truth, we don’t know how many more people would’ve suffered. Fine, there are some moments which I did cherish back there, but they don’t justify the suffering we went through.

Point taken. NS isn’t meant to be a walk in the park. NS is meant to be a watered-down version of a game of survival of the fittest, n’est-ce pas ?

It’s fine when companies clash against each other. I remember the sweet revenge we had over our rivals Charlie when Bravo was crowned Best Company, I saw how united the trainees in Delta were and thought of emulating them, and I remember, quite vividly, how a trainer from Alpha and I were engaged in a cold, intellectual war. But it’s definitely not fine if within this conflict, there are signs of vice. It’s as though our youth has become incorrigible.

Lord, as much as I’m against NS, please bless our trainees and trainers. I know Seniors Simon, Ref, Titty, Harun and Rahmat will be going about their task again. If they all land in the same company again, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Regardless, this malady needs divine intervention, because I just know we aren’t going to solve the problem.

MOAR in-exam-period news and goodies

Tomorrow's my Criminal Law paper, and after tomorrow, I can kick my shoes off and relax !
I'm not the least bit worried about Contract now, and I must admit that after the lecturers told me how students from the previous batches worried about Criminal Law, I must be on my guard now. I had an OH TEH NOES ! moment not very long ago but now, at least I know our lecturer's marking the papers before they get screened.


In the meantime, I've been doing a lot of things - emotes, photo-manipulation and whatnot. Since these works are on deviantArt already, I might as well put them up here for all of you to see.


Wallpapers/Emotes

In light of the upcoming FIFA World Cup 2010 (click on the link if you haven't any idea of what it is), my nails, at least, will be painted blue, white and red, and I'll do everything I can to don my favourite team colours during their matches. I'll be supporting Les Bleus, just as I did in the previous World Cup. Almost the whole thing was done on GIMP (for the scoop on how I made the emotes, you can find it here) while the text was added on PowerPoint.


And if you're seeking to download the emotes separately to show love for the French football team, you could always make use of these :

The emotes with the Tricolore as a backdrop. Note that I did the Tricolore freehand. I'm actually proud with the result, because it looks like it's been coloured in with a felt pen (when in actual fact, all I did was use the Fuzzy Circle brush on GIMP) ! And I'm especially proud because I only started using GIMP in mid-February this year, and now mid-May is approaching. Three months and I've managed to do this ! Praise the Lord ! ^_^

The three emotes themselves, without the flag.

And these are the separate emotes. I''m making them free, because I'm sure there'll be quite a number of France supporters (though I'm not sure how many would stumble upon this space). I haven't named these emotes yet, but if I ever do name them, they'd be called (from left to right) Liberté, Égalité and Fraternité (lit. Liberty, Equality and Fraternity).

MOAR emotes :

Pretty cute-looking thing, eh ? Yes, I know this one's pretty stereotypically coloured pink and yellow, but I somehow think this is one of my best. Ever.


Photomanipulations
Country First

This work, titled "Country First", is currently the display picture for Facebook group "Geng PLKN Sungai Rait, Miri", a group which unites all ex-trainees of Camp Miri in Sungai Rait. For the uninitiated, I was in Camp Miri, Sungai Rait for three months for compulsory conscription. Prior to having this picture, we only had a stylised National Service logo, and I didn't want us to stick with that.


Cikgu Hafiz took this image back when we were singing either Standing in the Eyes or some other patriotic song. I cropped it, added the tint, text and National Service logo on PowerPoint. Then I passed the image on GIMP and drew a Malaysian flag freehand, with almost full transparency. Again, I'm proud of the result.


The slogan "Country First. The rest is collateral damage" came from a Nike promotional poster for the Malaysian football team jersey, which is yellow with black stripes. I was taken in by the tagline, which had an underlying, depressing message. I wanted the people reading this to know that despite the happiness depicted in the photo, it wasn't entirely a bed of roses. Group 3 Series 6 was downright depressing.




Heroines in our own little way

The picture was taken by Monica, a Delta trainee, with my camera phone (Sony Ericsson K500i) towards the end of my National Service stint, and the entire process of tinting, adding text and scribbling is the same as for the previous photo.


There's me, Léa and Juliane in the picture - I was a Bravo trainee, Léa was from Alpha and Juliane was from Delta. I wanted to show that despite the odds, we managed to stick together till the end. Also, I wanted to do something special with the "trademark" of National Service, so to speak - the blue combat uniforms often depicted in the media.




Soirée du spectacle

The title literally means "Evening of performance, concert etc.". Manipulation methods are the same as for the above pictures.


It was actually one of the pictures taken during Patriots' Night, or Malam Penghayatan Kemerdekaan, where I was singing Jalur Gemilang. Imagine if those lights around us really appeared ! ^_^




Remember That Day

This was also taken during Patriots' Night, and manipulated the same way. I mean, shots of people lifting their fists into the air and shouting MERDEKA ! (lit. "Independence") can be rather poignant. I took a shot done by Cikgu Dzul and everything else was done freehand. I was watching from the sidelines at that moment, and when cries of MERDEKA ! were heard, our night was about to come to a close. I remember that moment, and the number of times it was captured on photo (at least thrice), so I put in a stark message for every Malaysian to see : 310857 - REMEMBER THAT DAY.

________________________________________________

On a side note, the French Arts and Film Festival starts this 13th May, which is also Ascension Thursday and the last day of my exams. I'd love to be there and check it out !

Bravo Company victory sketch

The entire thing was hand-sketched and coloured with GIMP.
It pretty much sums up the victory stances of the people from Bravo Company when they're declared champions. I based it on our actual victory during my National Service stint, and the day the results were announced, which was somewhere in late September last year.


I plan to use a few, if not all of these poses, for Le Carnet du Service National - they've already got winning smiles on their faces, and it'd be a waste not to put them in.


Clockwise, from top left :

• Duchemin dancing in joy.
• Mel and Sakina in cheerleaders' outfits, cheering the company on.
• Albert raising the company flag as he is hoisted by Maurice.
• Naufal striking a victory pose.
• Dyane (purple hair) and Mira (gold hair in plaits) embracing each other.

There you have it. ^_^

Like it ? Support me by purchasing the print here !

Logo designing

Hello everyone ! It's been about a month or so since I posted to the CDSN chronicles.

Anyway. Here's the deal : you have one National Service logo, and the rule is that you have to try incorporate the NS logo, or at least the colours, while making your company symbol. The theme for my conscription was "traditional weapons", and while everyone went with crossed arms, Bravo came up with something that crossed international borders.

The original NS logo.

Alpha Company's design.

Bravo's design.

Charlie's design.

Delta's design.

I redesigned all four logos after realising that I needed something graphic-worthy.

Now, here's the challenge : you're given one National Service logo for the new project. And instead of designing one company logo, you have to come up with ALL FOUR. They've all gotta incorporate the new symbol, or at least use some elements of the new symbol. I'm still going on the theme of traditional weapons - so which means you have to use the same weapons used in the previous logos - sword and shield for Alpha, axe for Bravo, kris and sheath for Charlie, and spears for Delta.

So, in order to remind you of how the new NS logo looks like :



Up for the challenge ? If you think you've made something of quality and you'd like to have it featured, e-mail it to me here.

Remembrance (or, Messages from Norin and Lue)

Translation :

To : Annette

When you go back, please don't forget me. Remember me always...

Don't forget us. You're my very first friend of Indian origin. I'll remember you.

Annette, do take care of yourself when you get home.

Win

To : Annette

Annette, when you get back, don't forget me, okay ? Keep our memories in National Service* fresh. Hehe... I'll remember you always.

When you get home, do remember us, your friends in Sarawak.

From Lue Yen Houng

Your classmate (PK1)

Leave your trace here, please

Yes, Lue, Norin, if you ever read this post, be sure that you're always in my heart, and I won't forget you. Or, even if I do, you're only forgotten, but never lost.

I still remember each and every day in National Service vividly. And I thank you for becoming part of my wonderful story. I'll be sure to wish you both a blessed Christmas... let's hope I don't forget.

Il y a toujours une raison pourquoi je porte le béret du Service National

nirs.

For the main opposers of my cause

When it came to creative projects, there was always a known intellectual war which everyone could see. It was a was between a teacher and a trainee. A war between Cikgu Dzul... and me. We were creative equals, making wonders in our own right, but where I couldn't chip in, he grabbed the upperhand and made Alpha Company win. Where I could chip in, I made sure to crush Cikgu Dzul's half once and for all.


The vid right below features the banners of the Alpha classes - 1 and 2 under Cikgu Dzul, and 3 and 4 under Cikgu Hafiz. The more notorious of the two were 1 and 2, as they were out to demolish every effort of mine. One trainee in particular, whom I nicknamed Alizée, was out to patronise our finished work of art. Unable to contain my fragile emotions, I lined up an explanation of each symbol and a defence ready, after hearing from someone that we were supposed to explain the symbols of our banners. It rained that afternoon and it obviously looked like there wasn't going to be any presentation. But defence or no defence, they failed to demolish us anyway.


As for Alpha 3 and 4, Cikgu Dzul did turn the least of banners into a great work of art with those pics *salutes*. Bahliya tells me that she was the one doing all the work... though I saw other people helping out in the colouring.





Why I actually managed to write this much about the Alpha classes, rather than Charlie or Delta, was because Bravo 1 and 2 - my coalition - managed to keep a tab on the Alpha classes. They were the ones posing the real threat to us, and neither Charlie nor Delta were that tenacious. And, ironically, many of the people who supported my cause were from the Alpha company. Whilst they asked me about my work, I asked them about theirs. I disclosed what I was colouring, as well as my concept, though I did not disclose any further information because I knew they weren't gonna go easy on me with whatever they were doing.

I think these shots were taken by Cikgu Dzul, as Cikgu Hafiz is pictured doing up the banner for Alpha 3 and 4. And Cikgu Dzul's camera images always have the prefix DSC_____ (Cikgu Hafiz's camera uses IMG____). Anyhow, I must say, Alpha put up a good fight for this one... a credible fight. Because for a few seconds there they made us feel threatened. But cause toujours, gros pleins de soupe ! - the war between the teacher and the trainee was finally won by the trainee.

The poisoned parcel

Not sure if I wrote about the poisoned parcel day, but it was there that we urged everyone to break their fears and start doing what they were asked to do...... ^_^

Delta 1's Banner

This was Juliane's class banner. I may not have been there to witness their efforts first hand, but what I do know is that they were having fun with glitter and whatever else they could get on their hands. An idea we didn't think of...

For all members of the Charlie company

I managed to dig up some pictures of Charlie's efforts for the banner competition. And today being Cikgu Ai's birthday, it's a good time to pay tribute to her and her underlings ! ^_^

A walk into remembrance

This Photo Story was made to show that sometimes, even the worst of enemies can be the best of friends, even if it's just to take a picture together.

I could easily say there's a degree of humanity left in all of us.

Most of us, if not all of us back there, were ready to mix regardless of ethnicity and background. I know most Malaysians, if not all, would do the same.

But what I truly want to point out is that a few of the people you see in this Photo Story were rivals of mine once. They did everything they could to bring me down. And how I suffered ! Yet, for those few golden moments of truth, they decided to walk together with me, hand in hand.
I wanted to point out that sometimes, the worst of enemies can redeem themselves and become the best of friends.

The pictures you see in this Photo Story were not of any particular category. They were just taken "for the memories", I'd say. Whenever I had my phone with me, I would take pictures of my friends. I did this with the hopes that someday I'd be able to share this with you and say "See, these are among the people who have become part of my wonderful story" - and I'm doing it today. Not only did I take pictures of my friends and teachers, I also gathered pictures from my friends' and teachers' phones and cameras. Then when the time came for me to transfer all these pix, I put them under a folder Visages, meaning "faces".

The faces of National Service 6 Series Group 3.
The faces of solidarity and unity.

I know, this particular Photo Story paints an idealistic picture of what National Service really is. It does not come with the grit and the suffering of standing up for what you want to defend, and who you want to be. But sometimes, we have to cherish these sweet memories - the ones that give us hope against all hope. After all, in the words of Yunalesca in Final Fantasy X, hope is comforting.

If the advertisements for National Service paint a pretty rose-tinted picture of the youth emerging as heroes and heroines, the actual situation is somewhat reverse, especially if you happen to be in the third batch, because this time they did not select amongst school leavers. But the smiles on the trainees' faces whenever they meet their friends, whenever they are among their favourite group, whenever their companies win a competition... these are the smiles that can pierce through the gloom and darkness of National Service.

Appreciation of the Arts, part 2

Here's the Photo Story of the full show, including pix of these performances (in order) :

- Introduction

- Seloka Pak Pandir

- Anak Jiran Tionghua

- this was the one where we sang as a chorus, and my timing was out.

- Jalur Gemilang (Chorus)

- this was the one where I sang to my heart's content, and the floor joined me in song too.

- Bahtera Merdeka

- Nazam Kasih Ibu & Ayah

- Dekon "Keranamu Malaysia"

- the climax of Patriots' Night, this one featured poetry recitation, a patriotic chant, a silat and tai chi performance, and a sketch.

This whole thing took me ages to assemble, and resulted in fits of anger. Sixteen minutes in total. Three songs. 81 megabytes (beat that !). One memorable Patriots' Night. Enjoy !

New Photo Story added !

Appreciation of the Arts Programme (Program Penghayatan Sastera dan Budaya, PPSB) - Before the show began.

Banner Competition: Bravo 1 & 2

The second of my Photo Stories, featuring preparations for the 1Malaysia Banner Competition in my class, Bravo 1 (which combined with Bravo 2).

We Are The Heroines

This is the first Photo Story I thought I'd make, and it features some of the female trainees in full combat uniform, just a day before we had to submit those uniforms. Now everytime I replay it, there's a sense of pride. ^_^

NS draws to a close

An ex-schoolmate of mine wrote in a 2005 edition of Marguerite, my school magazine, on the question, “Should National Service be made compulsory for all school leavers?”

There are several points to ponder and I’m definitely not going to give National Service a resounding yes. Every now and then I’ll be quoting several points from the article which was featured in the school magazine.

“Through National Service, trainees are able to make new friends and widen their social circle. The trainees in one camp come from different parts of the country. Therefore, new and lasting friends are made through the National Service programme.”

On the one hand, I was sent to Camp Miri to find solace in a group of true friends. It’s strange, but I’ve discovered that the majority of people who supported me back there were Sarawakians, and not people from KL. (Jealousy perhaps ?) These true friends lifted me up and revered me as ex-commander, a friend and a creative tour de force. During the First Aid practice, when I played dead, I felt how it was like to be physically and spiritually dead, and I knew who would come running to save me… only to cry when they found out I was dead. The Bravo and Delta companies were sororities in their own right. The kind of teamwork and support put in was admirable.

I experienced high-risk activities, notably the flying fox (where trainees are suspended from a height of 12m and they have to make their way down… literally flying) and the M16 target course.

I designed an immortal symbol for the En Avant Bravo and I did everything to make my company win. Well, at least we won. ^_^ I sang on stage thrice. In every activity, even if I didn’t fancy it, I did my best. At the end of it all, even the trainers and trainees from other companies saluted TNÉ, with only three words to say : “…like no other.”

I learned every single bit of the drill routine and I must say that my walk is a lot sexier than ever ! I managed to get myself into that ideal weight ever since I returned from Camp Miri and I’m a lot keener on walking now.

I discovered a new parish in Taman Tunku and I had experienced mass in Bahasa Malaysia for the first time. All this while my masses were in English.

I learned the Iban language and I made quite a lot of Iban friends, most of whom have never had the chance to get to know their fellow Malaysians of Indian origin. And for many of them, I was their first Indian friend. And it was in this place that I got to share my experiences with my close friends, and I also had the opportunity of getting to know a group of wonderful trainers.

On the other hand… well, move aside, everyone ; I’ve got a mouthful to say.
“Unity is an important element in a multiracial country like Malaysia.”
“Courtesy among teenagers nowadays is non-existent. They tend to be rude and do not respect their elders.”

Indeed, I support the first view fully. And though I was initially s* scared of going for National Service, I relented when my admission letter stated that I was bound for Camp Miri. But to what extent can we foster unity – particularly among eighteen-year-olds, whose personalities have already been formed and corrupted by their elders themselves ? See, violence and disputes are a staple in every NS camp. And for what reason ? I’ve noticed that most of the perpetrators of the disputes are people who have never made friends from other ethnic groups, apart from their own. This is something we see rather regularly in the peninsula – Ah Seng goes to flock with his own kind, Arumugam goes off with his own kind and Ahmad goes with his own kind. The more open-minded ones are more than willing to mingle with each other regardless of skin colour and thus, we have our rays of hope in the peninsula. Generally, the Sabahans and Sarawakians are much more united than we are. In the camp, the same thing happens. And it pisses the hell out of me. We’ve been living in an independent nation for like, what ? Fifty-two freakin’ years ? And there are still problems regarding unity ?

We can’t put the blame on the teachers. We definitely have to punish the perpetrators for their lack of courtesy, yet the blame doesn’t lie solely on them. The weakness lies in the very FOUNDATIONS of our programme. Even at the age of 18, some people have never had the experience of mingling with other cultures. They have been bred in a world apart from their own, a monoculture, living among people with like minds. And throughout these 18 years they could’ve heard insults towards other ethnicities coming from their elders themselves, and they’d have considered these insults as normal reactions ! It’s therefore a Herculean task changing brazen personalities within just three months ! Instead, we should’ve taken the steps to unite our young ones during their school years. If they are in single-ethnic schools, they could at least have visits to schools with other ethnicities, have mingling sessions, co-organise cultural events and student festivals. Seriously, it may be a lot riskier to organise this than to go with National Service, but it’s definitely bound to reduce disciplinary problems over the long term. It’s during our tender years that we can be filled with the right qualities. Not at 18 years, s’il vous plaît.

The meals are horrible. Enough said. But here lies the pitch : they did tell us that a lot of money was spent on each trainee’s meal. But look at what the poor workers at the cookhouse say ! They have RM50 a month ; RM45 is spent on their provisions/whatever they need/ingredients and they are left with a meagre RM5 a month ! For all their hard work this is what they get ? And they’re definitely not lying – many of us have seen them living in squalor and how I wish I could do something to help them.

Next, how is it possible that the logistics bureau is closed almost every time of the day ? They open when we are in the midst of doing our activities. If we don’t go for our activities without valid reasons, our companies will be de-merited. This makes me wonder : 1) could the bureau possibly change working hours to cater to the needs of trainees ? 2) should the time frame of physical activities be changed instead ? 3) what shoddy workmanship did they do for our clothes and shoes to be easily damaged, even under normal circumstances ? What’s going on up there ? Yes, in camp we talk about corruption and how to prevent it, but hello ! we’re not dickheads not to realise that something’s going on wrong up there – for the cookhouse to be so terrible and for the clothes to be in such bad condition. If they had put in their best input from the start we wouldn’t have to dump all these clothes in the NS camps and change them like, every three months. More often than not the bureau runs out of stock. I mean, like, come on, give us a break…

The power supply was cut twice, and the water was cut a few times. And on my return to Camp Miri after the one-week break, the water was rust-coloured. There’s internet here, but it’s pretty slow because we’re in the middle of the forest… well, I guess I can’t complain about that.

And sometimes, when the decisions have to be PRACTICAL, there’s too much PROTOCOL going on. Indeed, the style is pretty much like the army – with a camp commander and everything – but we’re not in the state of having to get the green light from the higher authorities just to get something done ! What’s the point of wanting to say something when it never gets said ? I remember how disunited this group of trainees was, but how united they were in cheering on performers during concerts. And so I wanted to organise a mini-concert to unite all of us. I called it the Project Rêver (rêver being the French word for “to dream”). I wanted to start efforts immediately after seeing seven brawls in camp. That was too much. But even then, I had to wait for a response from the higher-ups – too much protocol – and at the end, it was already too late to begin the project. The 5th of September had already come and gone. The trainers were scared of bringing this up to the camp commander for fear that he would say no. Truly, in life, there has to be rules, but they should not hamper anyone’s creative efforts to bring peace and unity. Truly, there wasn’t enough unity at all because a practical decision was never made.

“…trainees gain valuable leadership skills through the month-long character building module.”
Indeed, but many people call it adult kindergarten. That’s because National Service has failed miserably in removing the two main weaknesses of Malaysian society : 1) we are ignorant, 2) we are scared. I have witnessed first-hand the ignorance of trainees when they just dismissed an activity as being too easy and did not want to participate. But when they finally did, they had to be controlled like kids. And a significant number of them either lacked the self-esteem or the desire to make themselves known – because they always declined from taking part in the character building activities. I, for one, may not have scored perfectly, but I was deeply involved because I knew I wanted to be. Sadly, this wasn’t the case with 80% of the trainees.

The air of discipline is strangely limited to the media. We have to put up a show whenever the broadcasters come, whenever some guest of honour comes, but after that, WHAM ! Every trace of “prim and proper” vanishes, and in its place, we see the usual barbarism and noncompliance of a large number of trainees. This seems to be a malady for every camp, even the best of camps. From the numerous advertisements and articles I was under the impression that NS was supposed to feature a culture of discipline. But in reality, where’s the discipline ? I believe that even my secondary school practises an even greater culture of discipline, and even the teachers know this !

I was also a rebel during the Nationalism module. That’s because I believe you can never combine love for the country with political ideologies. Yes, the government is a vital part of the country because without it, there’d be no administration. But what happens if there are just too many problems ? I only see Realpolitik in practice : the higher-ups would do just about anything – backstab, lie, bribe, cheat, imprison others, just to retain their position. It’s pretty evident even if the media reports say otherwise, it’s evident in the way they speak and the way they do things. A Malaysian with my upbringing would be able to see through them like glass, no doubt. And many youths believe that, despite all their reverence for a select few political figures, there are hardly any sincere politicians around. Excusez-moi, if you’d like to gain my trust and respect, respect other cultures, and don’t throw humble Malaysians behind bars without any reason. If you’d like to gain my respect, do this : instead of keeping all those riches and stuff, sell half your property and belongings at least, and give the money to the poor. This’ll resolve the problem of poverty in Malaysia. If you do this, I’ll honour you. But now, you’re no more worth than a piece of toilet paper to me. I expressed these views in the Nationalism module and my, the accolades that came after my rants !

So how did I survive, you ask ?

I started as any other young person, very sensitive to poor remarks. Slowly I stamped my mark as an artist : I drew, I sang, I designed, I became the PowerPoint techie for several events, notably the Appreciation of the Arts programme. And I did everything I could to be a good friend.

But there was one thing I could never do, because of our age : I could never teach them respect. I was brought up in a culture of respect. We hardly ever swear. If we do, it’s probably under the most dire of circumstances, but only light swears. Suggestive positions are a no-no, even among girls. It’s against my faith and my principles. I don’t tell my story to the teachers without reason. I spill out everything to them because I need to see a culture of respect. And there doesn’t seem to be one. Yes, I ended my stint as a “heroine”, but I still believe that the National Service programme shouldn’t have been made compulsory for all school leavers. It’ll only benefit some, but it won’t benefit all. And then again, I see more people out there in KL who haven’t been for National Service but have all the qualities that NS claims to be able to give, and more. These are the true, everyday heroes and heroines of our society ; these are the people who should be lauded.

Whose fault is it then ? The teachers’, the parents’, the trainees’ or the authorities’ fault ? Well, the trainees have to be given a lesson, no doubt. We could put the blame on the parents or the trainees’ environment for their conduct. But there’s definitely a flaw up there : don’t they see what we’re missing ? In KL there are integration programmes held within schools, but we still see people flocking to their own kind ? And you know what follows ! Nothing has been done to truly unite us. And who made this BLATANTLY STUPID DECISION of uniting us at the age of eighteen, when our harsh, brazen personalities have already hardened in the iron mould ?

I close the National Service Journal with the hopes of changing the minds of the young in Malaysia… someday. I leave for my hometown with the hopes of realising my biggest dreams, and with hopes of making my family proud of me.

Mot de fin : une analyse du Service National

Ne me méprenez pas. Je critique, pour que vous appreniez. Je critique, pour que vous sachez ce que c’est être Malaisien, aux yeux d’une jeune fille à 18 ans.

Sommes-nous heureux d’avoir été choisis pour le Service National ? Oui et non.

En un côté…

J’ai été envoyée à Miri pour retrouver quelques véritables amis. C’est étrange, mais je découvre que la plupart des apprentis venant de KL ne me supportent pas. (La jalousie, peut-être ?) Pourtant, ce sont mes amis à Sarawak – en particulier, Miri, Bintulu et Limbang – qui sont toujours là pour moi. J’ai été liftée par des amis qui me saluaient et qui m’honoraient en tant qu’ex-commandante, en tant que fille audacieuse, en tant qu’amie. J’ai su comment c’est être morte (physiquement et spirituellement), et qui serait avec moi dans ce camp d’entraînement.

J’ai éprouvé des activités de haute risque, notamment le « flying fox » et le parcours de tir M16.

J’ai dessiné le symbole de la fierté de l’En Avant Bravo et j’ai aussi fait des efforts pour leur faire gagner. (Les Braves ont gagné, m’enfin… ^_^) J’ai chanté trois fois. J’ai participé dans chaque activité et j’ai fait de mon mieux. En fin de compte, même les enseignants et les apprentis d’autres compagnies commençaient à saluer la jeune TNÉ. On n’avait que trois mots à me dire : « …comme rien d’autre. »

J’ai appris à marcher en pas et je dois dire que mes pas sont beaucoup plus sexys que jamais ! Et dire que j’ai perdu des kilos lors de mon terme au Camp Miri…

J’ai découvert une nouvelle paroisse à Taman Tunku et j’ai été là, pour la messe en malais, pour la première fois. Ma vie toute entière, j’ai suivi des messes en anglais.

J’ai appris la langue des Ibans et je me suis faite pas mal d’amies ibans, qui n’ont presque jamais la chance de connaître des Malaisiens d’origine indienne. Pour beaucoup d’apprentis, je suis leur première amie indienne.

J’ai pu partager des expériences avec mes meilleures amies et j’ai connu des merveilleux enseignants – les enseignants des Braves, et les enseignants des autres compagnies.

En l’autre côté…

Où se trouvent-elles nos idées ? Toutes perdues avec la bureaucratie !

Les disputes et la violence arrivent très fréquemment (il y avait cinq cas de violence parmi les garçons et deux parmi les filles), et c’est quelque chose qui est toujours associée avec un camp d’entraînement. Et pourquoi ? Je remarque que la plupart d’apprentis qui se disputent ne se sont pas faits des amis d’autres ethnies jusque là. C’est effrayant de voir les chinois avec les chinois, les malais avec les malais, etc. – et s’ils ne sont pas d’accord avec quelque chose, vous connaissez la suite. Mais ce qui m’étonne, c’est que nous avons vécu ensemble, en tant que citoyens de la MY, pour 52 ans ! C’est longtemps ! Et il y a encore des problèmes ?? Les disputes. La violence. L’harcèlement. Tout ça ne doit pas arriver.


Les enseignants ne peuvent pas être accusés. Plutôt, c’est la FONDATION de notre programme. À l’âge de 18 ans on aurait vécu avec nos groupes habituels (peut-être de la même ethnie que nous !). Dans cette durée on aurait sûrement entendu parler des moindres remarques envers d’autres ethnies, et on aurait considéré ces remarques en tant que des réponses normales. Voyons, personne n’est étonné quand quelqu’un dit « Sale _________ (insérez une ethnie ici), fauteur de troubles ! » Alors changer quelqu’un à l’âge de 18 ans, surtout pendant une durée de trois mois, c’est un travail pour un Romain – parce que sa personnalité serait déjà formée. On ne peut pas arrêter les gros mots à cet instant. Ce qu’on a dû faire : on a dû intégrer les jeunes Malaisiens depuis nos années scolaires. Même si c’est une école chinoise ou une école tamoule, on peut toujours visiter d’autres écoles, ou co-organiser des programmes pour les élèves. C’est LÀ ou les personnalités peuvent être bien formées. La morale ne suffirait pas, parce que tout le contenu est limité à un livre de texte. Il faut la pratique. Et l’effectuer, ça prend du temps – mais sans doute, moins de temps que le Service National. Et nous risquons beaucoup moins de problèmes de discipline à long terme.


La plupart d’apprentis chrétiens ne se concentrent pas lors de la messe ou lors des prières le jeudi et le vendredi (oh, ça m’attriste…). Ici je suis dans un état où la plupart de citoyens se disent chrétiens, encore plus catholiques, mais j’ai l’impression qu’ils ne prennent pas le temps pour apprécier le fait qu’ils font partie de cette grande famille.


Les REPAS sont horribles mais que faire si ceux qui travaillent dans la cuisine sont sous-payés ? D’après ce qu’on entend des serveurs dans la cookhouse (cuisine), ils sont payés RM50 par mois. De là, RM45 est déduit pour acheter les ingrédients et des choses qu’ils ont besoin. RM5 par mois, c’est environ 1€ par mois ! C’est presque rien ! Et pour des centaines d’apprentis, comment faire un bon repas ? Ils travaillent durement et ils ne remportent que RM5 ? Si on dit que beaucoup d’argent est dépensé pour le repas à un apprenti, la situation ici est l’envers. Les serveurs ne mentent sûrement pas ! Regardez tout d’abord comment ils vivent !


Ensuite, comment le bureau de logistiques peut être fermé tout le temps ? Nos vêtements sont facilement abîmés. Le bureau est ouvert à 14h (et là, nous faisons nos activités physiques et nous ne devons pas les manquer !). À notre arrivée, le bureau est toujours fermé. Ça me fait poser quelques questions : 1) faut-il changer les horaires de travail pour répondre aux demandes des apprentis ? 2) sinon, faut-il changer les horaires des activités physiques ? 3) qu’est-ce qui arrive là-haut que nos vêtements doivent être si…… facilement abîmés ? Nous parlons de la corruption au camp d’entraînement, mais allô ! nous réalisons que la corruption arrive quelque part. Si nos vêtements sont d’une bonne qualité, nous ne devrions pas aller au bureau de logistiques pour changer des vêtements chaque mois. Ainsi le bureau ne doit pas considérer changer les horaires de travail. Sauvons de l’énergie à long terme !


L’électricité a déjà été coupé une dizaine de fois, et l’eau a été coupé une ou deux fois. À mon retour au Camp Miri, j’ai découvert que l’eau était colorée de rouille…


Il y a de l’internet ici mais c’est lent (eh bien, nous sommes au milieu de la forêt !).


Parfois, quand la décision doit être PRATIQUE, on suit trop le protocole. Souvent – non, toujours – on doit attendre la réponse du commandant avant de faire n’importe quoi. Je me souviens que mon Projet Rêver a échoué à cause de cette bureaucratie. J’ai voulu commencer les efforts sur-le-champ parce que la situation était horrible, avec toute cette violence. Nous savons que les concerts, des pièces en scène, ceux-ci uniront des gens de différents ethnies, de différents cultures. Nous l’avons témoigné. Mais j’ai dû attendre la réponse du commandant. Et tous les enseignants craignaient la suite – ils savaient que le commandant allait dire non, en réponse à la violence des apprentis. C’est le protocole, ça ! Pourquoi ne pas appliquer quelque chose qui est plus pratique ? Dans la vie on doit avoir des règles, mais nos plans et notre créativité ne doivent pas être limités par ces règles.


Quand n’importe qui vient au camp d’entraînement on doit mettre cet air de discipline pour les média. Et on essaie de peindre une belle image de l’indépendance. Même moi, j’avais l’impression que le Service National est un endroit ou la discipline fait priorité. Mais en réalité, où se trouve-t-elle la discipline ?


Et la météo ! Il faisait extrêmement chaud la journée et extrêmement froid la nuit. Même avec deux chemises, un pull-over et deux couvertures, j’avais froid.


Et avant que je n’oublie… parfois les cours de nationalisme incluent un peu d’idéologie politique. Oui, le gouvernement fait partie d’un pays mais que faire s’il y a trop de problèmes ? Que faire si on ne peut pas croire en ceux qui tiennent des positions au Parlement ? Voici ce que j’ai remarqué ces derniers mois : c’est le Realpolitik qui s’applique. Ceux qui tiennent le haut du pavé font n’importe quoi pour retenir leur position. C’est évident dans les média, c’est évident dans ce qu’ils disent et ce qu’ils font. Il n’y a presque pas de politiciens sincères ici… Excusez-moi, si vous voudriez gagner des votes, si vous voudriez gagner mon respect, respectez les autres ethnies et cultures, et ne jetez pas des humbles citoyens en prison pour la moindre raison. Ils ont le droit de s’exprimer. Si vous voudriez gagner mon respect pour diriger le pays, au lieu de garder toute votre richesse, vendez les choses les plus précieuses à vous, donnez l’argent aux pauvres pour résoudre le problème de pauvreté en MY. Si vous faites cela, je vais vous honorer. Maintenant vous ne méritez pas l’honneur.


Alors comment est-ce que j’ai écrit l’histoire de ma quête ?

Comment est-ce que j’ai survécu ? J’ai commencé en tant qu’une jeune susceptible à la moindre remarque. Lentement j’ai fait mes preuves en tant qu’artiste. J’ai dessiné, j’ai chanté, j’ai utilisé l’ordinateur presque parfaitement. =) Et j’ai surtout essayé d’être une bonne amie.

Mais ce que je n’arrive pas à faire à cause de notre âge, c’est apprendre aux autres le respect. Ce n’est pas une question de gros mots. Plutôt, moi j’ai été élevée dans une culture de respect. On ne jure pas. On ne fait pas de positions suggestives, même si c’est entre des filles. C’est contre ma foi et mes principes. Si jamais on va en mode berserker, c’est là où on jure. Je ne raconte pas mon histoire aux enseignants pour aucune raison. Je raconte, parce que j’ai besoin de voir une culture de respect. Et il semble ne pas en avoir. Je termine ma quête en tant qu’héroïne, et même avec mon statut élevé, je crois que ça ne vaut presque rien dans le contexte de KL. Parce que là, je trouve plein de gens qui savent bien se conduire. Je trouve plein de gens qui valent le titre d’héros.

La faute à qui alors ? les autorités, les enseignants, les parents ou les apprentis, ou quelque chose d’autre ? C’est sûrement les apprentis. On pourrait accuser leurs parents ou leurs environnements pour leur manière de se conduire. Mais c’est aussi une faute de plans à la part de ceux qui règnent : à KL, par exemple, on voit des programmes d’intégration à certaines écoles. Malheureusement, on voit souvent que les élèves se regroupent avec des amis de la même ethnie. Et la suite, vous connaissez ! Rien n’a été fait pour nous unir totalement. Et qui a fait la décision SACRÉMENT DÉBILE de nous unir à l’âge de 18 ans, quand nos personnalités sont déjà formées et difficiles de changer ??

J’avais aussi dit que le cours de personnalité est un « jardin d’enfants pour les adultes » - et c’est à cause de l’attitude des Malaisiens. Nous sommes ignorants, ou nous avons peur d’agir, mais nous parlons beaucoup plus. Nos voisins à Singapour agissent vite avant de parler ! Alors contrôler ces apprentis, c’est comme contrôler une bande de coquins au jardin d’enfants. Avant d’effectuer le Service National, il faut tout d’abord changer l’attitude et la perception de nos compatriotes. Tant que nous ne le faisons pas, la MY et la SN resteront en péril. Et je réalise qu’il faut du temps. Je n’ai pas la sagesse que Dieu avait donnée à Salomon, mais j’ai pitié pour mon peuple, et c’est ce qui me dirige à écrire, à débattre, pour résoudre les problématiques qui se posent.

Je ferme ce carnet avec l’espoir que je vais voir un changement dans l’esprit de nos jeunes. Je pars vers KL avec l’espoir de réaliser mon plus grand rêve, avec l’espoir de rendre ma famille fière.

Nous revenons aujourd'hui...

« Tu es digne du rang de meilleure apprentie moyenne. T’as rien fait pour offenser les autres. Pourtant, c’était toi l’offensée. Et je ne comprends pas pourquoi on aime toujours te faire mal. »__________________________Jules envers troisnyx*

Les Braves sont la meilleure compagnie (moyenne et au niveau de discipline). Je suis l’élue. C’est un vrai conte de fées qui a été enfin réalisé.

Après avoir fait mes preuves, après avoir éprouvé le pire (oh, n’en parlons plus), je reviens à KL avec quelque chose à raconter. Et je décolle…

Merci à Dyane, Ina, Michelle, Aimée, Connie, Ros, Sherlly, Elda, Nor, Mira et les autres apprentis Braves – de m’avoir supporté jusqu’ici. Et à vous, Léa et Juliane, d’avoir été les premières amies à moi.

Merci aussi à tous mes amis venant des autres compagnies, vous resterez toujours dans mon cœur.

Le drapeau des Braves a tombé des nombreuses fois. Il a été souillé. Déchiré. Mouillé. Malgré tout, c’est encore un symbole de notre fierté. Maître Simon semble heureux. =) Et Maîtresse Ref… j’espère qu’elle est heureuse. Ainsi aussi pour ma mère… où qu’elle soit. <3 À mon arrivée au Camp Miri, et très souvent lors du programme, je me suis demandée, « Quel est mon rôle ici ? » Aujourd’hui à mon retour, je réalise que je suis là pour faire aux autres un exemple. Si le premier et le deuxième groupes sont exceptionnels, le troisième groupe est une bande d’ingrats. Et j’ai réussi à être l’espoir au milieu de nulle part… quelque chose que veut Jésus, et que veut ma famille. M’enfin, ceci est mon histoire. Le Service National s’achève après à peine trois mois. Malgré tout, ma quête ne terminera jamais. La vie est remplie de défis. Et avec patience je vais les affronter. Merci surtout à toi, Seigneur, d’avoir été avec nous !

Parce qu’une fille Brave restera une fille Brave.

A message of thanks

I write this article after having discovered from Cikgu Min that I have become the best trainee of the session. I never thought I’d turn out to be the one (and believed me, I wept when I received the news). In fact, all this while I was naught but the victim, the confidante, the unlucky one, the one always picked to answer surveys. I was brought up in a rather strict environment and I’ve never gotten used to several things. Anyhow, there are a lot of people whom I wish to thank as I come to the end of my journey in Camp Miri, Sungai Rait, Miri :

First of all, I thank you, Lord God, because without you I wouldn’t have survived. Throughout my term I’ve seen how you’ve provided for me and how you showed your unconditional love. I praise you, bless you and thank you !

I thank you, Daddy, Rin, Maaji and Bapuji, for having brought me up and made me what I am today. This prize is the fruit of years of hard labour, indeed !

I thank my friends from the En Avant – Ariff, Budi, Taufiq, Ayang, Jali, Matthew, Donny, Aimée, Dyane, Mira, Sherlly, Connie, Ros, Michelle, Ina, Elda, Jeany, among others – for having supported me to the very end. En avant Bravo ! This victory is for all of you.

I thank you, Léa and Juliane, the very first friends I made as I embarked on this three-month journey. Let us stay together till the very end !

I thank my other friends – notably N, Lue, Suzie, Jelly Peter, the four Lings, Aida, Betty, Chong Mei and her group of friends, Echiro, Mechella and her circle of friends, Haziq, Zamzuri, Liya, among others – for your support and advice.

I thank my friends in Christ for helping me to keep the faith, and Cikgu Harris for having shared the Word of God with us in a very profound way.

I thank the Assistant Commander (Exercises), Haji Johan bin Abdullah Buyong, for having counted on me and for having given me the go-ahead for lots of things in the past.

I thank the Physical Module trainees – notably Cikgu Simon, Cikgu Harris and Cikgu Harun, Cikgu Jo and Cikgu Winnie, for having given me hope even when I was like a fish out of water. Special thanks to Cikgu Harun for having believed that I could stamp my mark as the best trainee someday – I dedicate this victory of mine to you.

I thank the Character Building/Nationalism Module trainees – Cikgu Min, Cikgu Hafiz, Cikgu Dzul, Cikgu Bester, Cikgu Rahmat, Cikgu JJ, Cikgu Ref, Cikgu Ai, Cikgu Sha, Cikgu Titty, Cikgu Kacha, Cikgu Ani and Cikgu Nor – for having looked out for me and for having shared lots of thoughts and viewpoints with me. I’ll always remember the time I hung out in some of your rooms (ahem, I meant, the female teachers…). Special thanks to Cikgu Rahmat and Cikgu Ref for being part of our dream team, and to Cikgu Ani for having let me use her PC thrice !

I thank all members of the Propriété Intellectuelle for having worked together with me on a host of creative projects. I wouldn’t have made them successful without you, indeed.

And to all those whose names I haven’t mentioned (short-term memory lapse, don’t worry, I’ll get over it soon), I thank you for all those little things that have made me a lot stronger in character.

Here, today, I make my confession: I’m physically weak (I'm sure Cikgu Simon and Cikgu Jo would've noticed that I'm a fish out of water !). I may have a guardian’s soul, but that’s all. I never actually saw myself as a deserving one because there were lots of deserving ones out there whose names needed mention. Even if there were already hints that pointed me towards the award, I wasn’t at all confident. And most of all, the En Avant actually made it to the top – something I dreamed would happen. It’s pretty much like a fairytale ending to a period of stress and strain. This is proof that God works miracles and helps us move mountains when we ourselves don’t realize it !

I wonder what mom will be thinking of me… from wherever she is.

The final award-giving ceremony will take place on Friday the 4^th, and apart from receiving the prize, I’ll be singing Jalur Gemilang for the last time. Who knows ? Maybe I’ll end up crying on stage. Maybe I’ll break down. But what matters is that I have run this race, and I have won it. There are greater races in life to win – and I pray that the Lord may guide me through them.

With this, I bid farewell to all denizens of Camp Miri, Sungai Rait, Miri. God bless you all !

Love

troisnyx
Group 3 - 6 Series 2009

The author shall leave for KL on the 5th of September at 1125 and goodness knows what time she will be home. Finally, a journey well run.

Believe it or not...

I sketched this thing upside down and in an anti-clockwise motion. Let's not talk about the colouring. It was an attempt to copy an image which I saw in the Character Building book, 1st volume.