Macher ses mots, pas chez moi, pas chez touak...

Well, things haven't been going on well lately... I had this gathering on 2007/10/29. One of my dearest teachers was to retire soon and we had this farewell party for her. And so they asked me to perform. She is Indian, and I have no Hindi numbers. I'm no Bollywood fan either. Out of the teachers' persuasion I ended up doing one in English (My Immortal by Evanescence) and one in French (Toc de Mac by Alizée).

Now, put it this way : the people hate me.

No one applauded, neither did the teacher listen. She was busy talking to someone else. However, the Friday before the gathering, someone did a Spanish number (Que Hiciste by Jennifer Lopez) and got widespread acclaim in school. Now, I don't understand.... why do they hate me ?? I tried so hard to get the stage plans working - they were rather simple ones - but no one worked with me.

At that moment, I tried making an analogy of myself to Rose Chan, the legendary cabaret queen of Malaya. At one time she led a group of cabaret dances (without stripping). She kept on dancing and getting the moves perfect but no one cheered. She had a wardrobe malfunction and the crowd went bonkers. Enough said.

So then, I began to ask myself, what, do they want a wardrobe malfunction ?

I didn't go to school for three successive days thereafter. I was trying so hard to make my voice better (while I was thinking it just wasn't). Toc de Mac is my song for now, and it is lighthearted fun. No one criticises that or goes against it !!

It sure is hard to get appreciation for one's musical efforts, especially in Malaysia, and more so in Convent Bukit Nanas. I composed, I played the piano, I sang, I tried bringing franco-pop to the people, but in many attempts I failed. This is my final attempt. After this, there will be no more chances as I will leave school. My high school days are numbered.

When my mom asked me how the concert turned out, I told her I was quite satisfied. I told her there was enthusiasm from the crowd. I only wanted her to be proud of me. But deep inside, my heart was breaking.

All I want is to... well...... touch the hearts of the people out there. No matter what the language. I'm one of those who believe that music is a universal language. If I have a talent, I wanna make it big. Yes, so they think being a singing sensation is drop dead gorgeous but honestly, it takes work. And in my case, prayers, tears, and suffering in silence.


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