All this while I was sulking to myself because of a problem with my speakerphones. See, the right side is not working, which always makes the music tracks come out halfway (either music only, or treble only, or... well, you get the picture).

It all changed yesterday when I listened to Johnny Hallyday's Allumer le feu with these faulty speakerphones.

It was only then that I realised Allumer le feu has a nice drum beat. And I wanted to copy that beat.

Sometimes, you get the best out of faulty speakerphones.

I vowed to myself that one day, I'd play as well as the person who played in Allumer le feu, I just knew it. Or so I felt.

Truly, I am timid when it comes to practising music these days, but deep down in my heart, I reserve hopes of being a proficient drummer. Not just a beginner like what I am now. Aeons ago I mentioned that I was fed up of male dominance over the drums ; today, I still am. And every time I think of playing the drums well, I can't help thinking of the signed Vic Firths episode... and I can't help crying.

I don't know who'll give me the drive to carry on. I don't even have the confidence to go on. There's no point in believing in myself if I can't even go any further from here. I've been crying over the past few days - I just can't contain my feelings anymore. And what's more, life seems to be playing games with me because I'm crying alone.


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