I expressed my wish for Christmas to be a lot merrier than 2009. It was painfully lonely.
What's the whole point of celebrating if we have no one to share the joy with ?
I wasn't hoping to celebrate Christmas away from home, like most people would think. I was hoping to celebrate at home, with a familiar crowd, with happy thoughts and happy songs. I wanted all of us to be together at night, the family and our close friends - those who were with us all along - and share the joy with them. But this past Christmas was depressing - I seemed to have been left alone. I was yearning to make my Christmas wishes come true, among them, record the charity Christmas album that I had been envisioning for so long, and play the drums for Him in church - preferably during the Christmas vigil mass.
Mom loved Christmas and I knew how much she wanted to make it special for me and Dad. Now that she's not here, am I going to be deprived of that Christmas joy ?
It just looks like it... Truly, I have been through Christmas 2009 like a morte-vivante plastique. Pathetic.
Another Christmas has come and gone, and we took down the decorations today. I feel bloody depressed, mind you, and I would do anything to get back the joy I had. I express my hopes that one day, I'll be able to share the joy of Christmas, of Christ's coming, with my friends, whom I know are lasting ones, at least. I know, deep in my heart, that I'll have something to look forward to.
For those of you who have both parents, together or otherwise, you'd better start thanking God for this. Because somehow, with both parents, your day is made wonderful. Damn it, I've rambled enough.
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