Listen to my heartbeat.

Everyone is away for the Raya holidays, and somehow, I wonder if anyone can hear this little heart pounding away. I know my posts sound overrated. Somehow I cannot stop thinking about it. My passion for the drums, that is. But unlike many of the previous posts, where I was lamenting about the way I was treated when it came to voicing out what I truly wanted to do.
This time, I believe that I can and will make it among the greats… someday.

The beat of the drum provides the atmosphere for this blog post.

In all that peace and quiet, last night, after my prayers, I could not stop thinking of one thing. I did not dream it, I just thought about it. And the very thought of it made me cry. It would be a bit weird for me to even put it up on troisnyx* officiel, some would call it utter nonsense.

I imagined…

Jesus and Mary together. And many people came to bring Him gifts. Many of them were well-to-do. And what they gave was not a small fragment of their earnings, they gave quite a lot. Those who had talents gave Him a splendid performance. I began to despair. What could I even give Him ?

An angel came by and after a casual discussion, he told me to give Him the sound which I hold closest to my heart.

I grabbed a bass-toned drum and a pair of sticks. And when it was my turn to stand before Jesus and Mary, I felt very nervous. The tender looks of Jesus and Mary calmed me down. With tears in my eyes, I whispered, “I… want to be Your drummer girl.” There was no reason not to focus – they were right in front of me. I somehow felt, they would not be impressed with what I'd do because firstly, my drumming is terrible, and there are numerous powerful drummers out there ; secondly, I'm a sinner.

Mary nodded.

Nothing restrained me from raining blows on the drum – no societal constraint, no time constraint, no injurious remarks from anyone, no other commitments, nothing. With Jesus and Mary right in front of me while I was playing the drum, it was total bliss. I felt the wind blowing through my hair as I played. And I gave Him my all. It sounded terrible. My timing was off, I didn't master any technique whatsoever, and I just did whatever felt right at the spur of the moment. I just beat the drum and moved to the beat as my heart led me to.

The rhythm lasted only fifty-one seconds as I was embarrassed to continue. Here I was, playing in front of God the Omnipotent, and I knew I wasn't good enough ! After ending my rhythm with a drum roll, I bowed my head. My heart just sank. I stared onto the floor. And, while I was staring at the floor, I heard a voice – His voice.

“You, Annette, are MY drummer girl.”

I hesitantly looked up. And I saw His face. He was smiling. A warm, genuine smile. I was overwhelmed.

And soon enough, that thought was gone.

I don't know if the Lord will smile at me for trying my very best to play. Sometimes I get all irritated with the amplifier and the camera and start yelling out utterances which shall never be mentioned, but all the same, even with my sins, I truly yearn to play the drums for Him. I don't even know if He'd call me His drummer girl.

I guess He hears me. I guess I am being heard.