Are we really as adult as we say we are ?

I remember that in September, or possibly before that, I had begun praying that I may be given the ability to love without fail. The prayers still continue, and it is by the Lord's grace that I'm able to see things in this light, and not by my own eyes.


What broke my heart today was this tweet which was RT'ed by a friend, which read :

Promises mean everything. But after they're broken, saying sorry means nothing.

And this is the conversation which had taken place :

Whoever said saying sorry means nothing possibly felt bitter and needed some three years to calm down. >: (

If we can solve everything by just saying sorry, what's the point of making promises anyway ?
You can't *solve* anything, but you CAN start making amends. It doesn't mean once it's broken, you can't do anything.
Wrong, some things are broken and cannot be amended. People who say it can never fell in and out of love before.
Well, that just shows how they're not willing to forgive even after having done wrong.

You forgave but you wondered what you did wrong, to deserve **** like this. You won't understand, girl.

Um, might I ask, who are you kidding ?

I may not have fallen in or out of love, but I do know one thing : where my family was concerned, promises had been made to me. These promises were never kept because a few people are responsible for my mother's death. I had been hurt. I remember how bitter I was over it when I first received the news that my mother had passed away. I was so tempted to harbour feelings of resentment towards the people who seriously offended me. And their implied duty as a family was to make us stay together, not to break us apart. And that is not the only thing. I had a very ugly encounter with a very pretentious person who wanted to manipulate me and take advantage of me despite his promise of respecting me and not doing me any harm. The worst part is that I run into him from time to time in the law school.

To say this would mean a blatant disregard of the reason we exist in the first place. Often enough whenever someone commits a wrongdoing, we start thinking of him as less of a human being than he is. I'm glad and at the same time heartbroken to say this, but this tweet above highlights what society has become : unforgiving, vengeful, likely to cause hurt unto others.

The obvious action to be taken here is to make the distinction between someone who says he's sorry and truly wants to make amends, and someone who says sorry just because he wants to get it over with - and recommits the sin. We can tell the two apart. The common tendency as advocated by people is as follows :

I'm heartbroken, there is no cure, and there never shall be. It's easier to heal a sick body than to heal a broken heart.

He hurt me, why should I forgive him ?

Only time is capable of healing the wounds that we have caused, however long it may take. It is both a painful remedy and soothing bliss. I am indeed saying this from experience. If I should eschew the whole argument that we should forgive "not seven times, but seventy-seven times seven times", the simple reason for this is that we shouldn't already be widening divisions that have already been started. What I would truly salute in a man (in this context, "man" means any human being) is if he, in the midst of his hurt, takes steps towards making peace, regardless of whether it succeeds or fails. That's proof enough that amends can and should be made. It is indeed a refreshing contrast to the animalistic society we've become.

Yes, throw remarks at me that it's easier said than done, but as much as I still feel sad and hurt over my mother's death, and over the recent events that have taken place, I've done it. An apology won't bring people back from the dead. It won't bring back one's modesty. It might not repair the damage dealt to us. But an apology is made by courageous men who believe and who realise that they have done wrong, and that they are willing to let bygones be bygones.

Now, you might be wondering why I picked the title "Are we really as adult as we say we are ?". To be honest, it concerns the need for giving and forgiving as well. Consider this :

Every single reason for which adults fight and don't forgive each other for is the same reason why kids fight and make amends immediately after that. This is a non-exhaustive list ; there are many more which can potentially be added but they all fall down to big categories, no matter how technical the explanation may be, no matter what justification is made. And if we were to combine all these big categories into one single one, it all boils down to this : we haven't been behaving as we should. And if I were to shun you, therefore, for some reason or other, that means I have failed to realise that I had committed a similar offence some time in the past.
So why is it, then, that we can't even learn from our early years, or from the kids around us ? Ultimately we behave a lot like kids. If we can't even take the step to make amends, either by saying sorry or by accepting an apology and telling things honestly from our hearts, then we're simply on the way to committing another wrongdoing by either being full of ourselves, or by sheer anger.
My final reply to that conversation went :
Amen if I don't! I'm not gonna look at the pain caused because people will ALWAYS be like this!

At any point in time we're bound to be hurt. We're either gonna be hurt by a close friend, or by our elders, or by society at large, or by someone across the street, or by a person whom we once held dear to us. Hurt constantly happens, irrespective of age or time or place. But if we were to go on saying sorry is not a cure, I beg to differ : when sincerely and wholeheartedly expressed, an apology is the first step towards the ultimate cure of societal union.
Forget the stereotypical love stories. It's time to talk about the truest love story : the quest to love every single person without fail.
Now as I write this I mean no ill towards the people who posted this tweet, or the people who hold this view. There's one thing I do need you, the reader, to know : I cherish you, and if I say I do, then I must substantiate it. And substantiate it I will.


Joshua at: November 19, 2010 at 2:47 PM said...

Forgiveness. I read a good devotional about this, once:

As believers, we are under obligation to forgive, as it is written, "For if you forgive people their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15 AMP)"

But for those outside it is different; there is no argument for them to forgive, because everything they will ever know is of the earth. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with repentance, and you labeled it up there, the thing that holds people back from forgiving or repenting, whether believer or unbeliever, is selfishness. They expect other people to be more than they are, they set their hopes on men, and when they are dashed to the ground they cannot help but feel rejected.

You cannot get an unbeliever to understand forgiveness. For us, it is the gift of God, but for them, as with all things concerning the Way, forgiveness is sheer absurdity.

troisnyx* at: November 19, 2010 at 3:04 PM said...

That doesn't mean we have to be apathetic to their condition and stop trying. If we're gonna get non-believers to start believing, the first step is to show them His love.

I wrote based on what I felt, and I doubt anyone would believe this came from my heart. If something deeply disturbs me, I write. If it takes an effort by more than just me to get people to believe and love, so be it - I'd rather have that that do nothing about the world's selfishness...

Joshua at: November 20, 2010 at 10:29 PM said...

I didn't say anything about being apathetic. I'm just saying we can't reason with them. As it's written: "For when the world with all its earthly wisdom failed to perceive and recognize and know God by means of its own philosophy, God in His wisdom was pleased through the foolishness of preaching to save those who believed. (1 Corinthians 1:21)"

Men ultimately repent because God calls them. So we preach forgiveness though Christ, because forgiveness without Him certainly is nonsense. :P

We write what we believe, Annette; I wasn't criticizing you. :)

troisnyx* at: November 20, 2010 at 10:31 PM said...

I guess so.

Though I want all that I write to be written in love. His love. I truly hope I'm doing it.

Joshua at: November 20, 2010 at 10:49 PM said...

We can only bless with what we have, and I believe you have the love of God. :)

troisnyx* at: November 20, 2010 at 11:02 PM said...

I pray the Lord it may be so. : )

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