Reflexions (especially on the Faith Summer Conference 2012)

Before reading this post, please be sure to see the visuals from the Faith Summer Conference 2012.

Today, I've been given a place in the University of Hertfordshire's Legal Practice Course.
But that's all by the way, because the even deeper reflexion I want to make is about the Faith Summer Conference that took place not too long ago.

I do not know what has actually gotten into me -- before, I used to be so eager to make friends, I used to be so eager to jump around and act all exuberant. This time, my exuberance was there, no doubt -- in my dressing, in the way I acted, in the way I let my hair loose, in the way I cheered for Hatfield Heretics... to name a few. But even I noticed this change -- I was remarkably subdued and quiet, and I usually spent my days in the Faith Summer Conference alone or with close friends. I did get to know one or two new friends, which was awesome, but otherwise, I stayed with the people I held dear to me.

During free time, I would either hang out with close friends, or go to the chapel.

Charlotte took me to the chapel on Tuesday after I had told her that I found it difficult to pray during Adoration. I found it difficult to concentrate, I found it difficult to stay still, and I needed the grace to be still. When I said there was nothing particularly uplifting about my prayer life, I really meant it. I wanted to get everything out to the good Lord, but found it really hard to do so -- it happened to me before, and it's happening to me again.

Well, that Tuesday, there was Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Charlotte encouraged me to ask nothing from the Lord, but to hear and cherish everything that He would say. So in front of His presence, I went. I knelt, sometimes sat. I do not know what to say about my attention span, but it seemed that He was able to bypass all that I was going through.

I heard three things during that afternoon..... three things that would stay with me, even though I am yet to figure out what they mean in full:

• Do not be afraid.
• The little things that you do, they delight Me very much. Even your being here. You have no idea how much you make Me joyful.
• Do not turn back. Stay on here. I have a mission that I will reveal to you in due time.

I am struggling with all three of these things as I speak, and I know that I will constantly struggle with these.

I spent the next few days wallowing deep in thought, wondering what it was that I needed to do, where it was that I needed to do. It was very much unlike me. Thursday night was also quite silent for me: I only took part in the opening céilidh dances, and then after that, I spent the rest of the night chatting with close friends, having a heart-to-heart session with them.

It's funny....... the way I behaved was off maybe? But I perhaps need to take the next few months after the Faith Summer Conference to pray about this, to think about what these words I've heard could mean, and to act upon them in faith, hope and love. It's going to be difficult. It's been an uphill task for some holy men and women, I'm sure it's going to be an uphill task for me, what with my smallish attention span. But still, God help me.

This probably doesn't sound like a reflexion, it sounds more like a string of garbled words. I don't know what beauty may be found in them. But if they manage to speak to somebody, I give glory to God for this.