I went shopping for blouses, pants and shoes. There was a festive mood all around : snowflakes, Christmas trees, carols. Everyone around me seemed so happy - kids, teens, grown-ups alike.

A bleak realisation dawned upon me :

There's no Christmas for me this year.

Even the Christmas tree at home (well, that's the only thing up anyway) looks very gloomy, with its dark blue and silver shades and dark yellow LED lights.. It just wasn't like this when mom was around. I know I did up the tree exactly like mom would want it : more on the front, a little less at the back, and scallops with the coloured beads. But when mom was there, the tree would look a little more joyful. This year, hardly anyone notices the tree. I guess it's apt for now : no festivities.

I can wish everyone a blessed Christmas this year, but definitely not a merry Christmas nor a happy Christmas. Because for me it just isn't gonna be happy. Chances are that it'd be just like any other day : sad, mundane, boring, and there'll be this added sadness because around me, most people are partaking in the joy of the season. Not dad, not me.

Je te prie Dieu, viens dans mon cœur, caresse-moi dans ton sein.


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