Nuit silencieuse

A recent bulletin I read stated that there's a difference between the religious celebration of Christmas, and the commercial festival of the same name.

The commercialism has gotten to my head. They started with all the hype as early as the second week of November. Truly, as they say, Christmas seems to begin earlier and earlier each year.

I always anticipate the true celebration of Christmas, and I always regard it as a special day.

But ever since last year, Christmas has become boring... in fact, to the point of being heartbreaking. Mom loved Christmas. I wanted to keep the spirits up as much as I could. But with friends going, friends gone, a lonely house, boring trends in stores, mundane college days and dissertations, December has become a month of suffering, rather than a month of anticipation. And as much as I yearn to make this Christmas a special one, I risk blowing it again, because I don't know who to share the love with. We're faced with the stark reality that the 25th of December might come and go just like any other day.

Dear Lord, you know how every night I thank you for things, and I sometimes sleep off after thanking you for these blessings...... you know how happy I feel when I thank you, and I would always like to end every day on a happy note. Right now I call upon you again, with the hope that you will feel at home in our hearts once again. I remember how earlier, I anticipated the celebration and I even wanted to pound on the drums on Christmas morning... for all those whom I love. But now, my heart is heavy, and it's crumbling under the weight of everything.

I'm sorry. I need to cry for a while.


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