On the definition of "criminal damage to property"

Teacher : Now let us define property. Anything can be property. Even a pet can be your property.
Student : What about a human being ?

Laughs from the class.

Teacher : A human being is not property. Damage or injury to a human being will fall under the Offences against the Person Act 1861. That also means your girlfriend or your boyfriend will not fall under property. I know some of you like to call your girlfriends or boyfriends "Kitty" or "Puppy", but no.

Even more laughs from the class.

Teacher : Damage to property is anything that puts the owner through trouble or expense.
Student : What if it's just a scratch on your car ?
Teacher : What car am I using now ?
Class : The Merc.
Teacher : That'd mean damage to my heart !

By now the whole class was guffawing.

Criminal Damage was such a short chapter that we managed to finish it in one lesson.

Now, on the subject of criminal damage to property, there's the normal kind of criminal damage (where you just break things which belong to another person), the kind which occurs with burglary (where you break in and enter into another person's house or building, and start damaging things), and arson (damage of others' property by fire). There were several other funny examples, notably this one :

Teacher : Suppose I am aware that this college has a sprinkler system to put out fires, but I know it isn't working. The management doesn't believe me, and to prove my point to the management, I gather a few chairs from this classroom and set them on fire. I'll still be liable for criminal damage.

Okaaaaaayyyyy. Now which weirdo would wanna set chairs on fire in a small classroom ?

I'm beginning to like this whole Criminal Law thing. Oh, and the best part is that in the process of learning Criminal Law, we are actually being taught to be criminals. Oh noes. D:


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