Is there any point in wishing ?


I suppose there is, because now I am able to use a sequencer — more precisely, Fruity Loops Studio 9 (read : demo version). I had wished to be able to use one after having been taught the basics of Logic Pro 8, and now I’ve got FL. I’ve been using it for a few weeks now, and I seem to be doing it well.

But now enough of my sunshiney happy writings.

It’s time for me to tell things as they are.

I imagine that if my wishes do indeed come true, I’d be in a studio of my own, singing my soul out, sequencing, tinkling on the piano keys, pounding my heart out on the drums… I know that it’d make me happy, and that I have a set purpose to fulfil. And by this point, I’d also be boasting about the fact that this talent has been made whole in Christ, and I’d have finally dispelled all doubts my family ever had about me and the things I wanted to do. They wouldn’t see me selling my body through music videos. Not a chance. They’d see me pouring out my heart and soul.

“Not against ?” All I’ve ever received was doubt, doubt and more doubt. What are they ? Scared of failure ? Failure is going to come at some point. I have hit setbacks as far as my passion is concerned for the whole of January and perhaps the whole of February. I would have performed in The Forum Hertfordshire, but this never came to be. So ? It doesn’t mean I’m going to be a baby about it — and if they’re scared about what it is that I wanna do, I can’t help but think of them as babies. MAN UP ! SERIOUSLY !

Give me all the reality checks you can find in the world, and I can turn round and tell you all the reality checks about working in the legal profession. I have two options — immense joy, or the loss of my sanity. I’m going to go with immense joy.

There is a point in wishing, and I’m not just going to go with the flow, nor am I going to go with the words of some people (even some people close to home) that “you can’t change destiny”. Bollocks. We make destiny. The very reason why people have dreams and realise them is not because everything is predestined and we are robots — it’s because God wants us to take part in the creation of history. I am by no means a pawn in the game of history. I am a knight. He has given me this immense talent and passion for music for a reason. If many historical figures had to go with this so-called “predetermined destiny” their families put before them, they wouldn’t be where they were today. If Saint Joan of Arc had followed the flow of her society, she would not have led France to victory in the Hundred Years’ War… and she would not have become one of the most cherished saints we know today — she would have remained a simple country girl, oppressed by people around her, told to stay at home and work. And on a level understood by Malaysian mentalities, if Jimmy Choo were to follow what his mom told him and have a “stable” job, he wouldn’t even own his dream shoe-making empire !

My music is no longer about self-glorification. People have told me that they sense works from the soul. So be it. Words will not be enough to even drum some sense into some people’s minds, so I’m gonna shake the dust and move on… and turn my face back to them only when they realise what they’ve done and call me. After all, we can only tell them to an extent. What can we do if they harden their hearts ?

After LLB, I’m going to have to take the path that I choose.

The Lord gives me a life to live, and to live to the fullest.

A talent wasted is a sin, and ultimately, a life wasted is a sin.


I’m not going to be prideful about the fact that I have a talent — ultimately, what I create comes from God, and I cannot create something out of nothing. People look for originality, but in truth, and for this very reason, there is no true originality.

I’m not going to be complacent about the fact that I have had opportunities in the past — they have been hard-earned and granted to me by God through the efforts of my parents, particularly my dad. I’m not going to give up on what I’ve started, and that’s why I’m carrying my cross through university.



I’m not going to turn back.



I choose a musical journey.

And before I even embark fully on the journey, I must get this LLB out of the way.

Difficult though it may be, I know deep inside that there is a way to make this dream come true.


Joshua at: February 9, 2011 at 4:16 AM said...

I am by no means a pawn in the game of history. I am a knight.

If we're talking about chess, a knight isn't much better. In the endgame, factually, it can be one of the least valuable pieces (right next to a wrong color bishop). For a pawn, if he perseveres and makes it to the eighth rank (first, if he's black), he can redeem a queen. I'm just saying, it's not that great of an analogy for someone who plays the game. :P A rook, maybe; a queen, for sure. As for a knight? I'd rather be a pawn protected by a King--and I think that says something on two levels. :)

People look for originality, but in truth, and for this very reason, there is no true originality.

Correct. The Creator created. Man, at most, manipulates.

Difficult though it may be, I know deep inside that there is a way to make this dream come true.

Psalms 37:4
"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart."

;) I think you're already on the way there, my sister. :)

troisnyx* at: February 9, 2011 at 11:31 AM said...

I hope so... ^_^'

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