I'll need a French-speaker for this

If you speak French, I'm in need of your help to correct these lyrics ! You'll find my audio draft for Audace (see link).

Si vous parlez français, j’ai besoin de votre aide pour corriger ces paroles ! Vous trouverez mon brouillon pour Audace ici.

Sur la terre des libres, le soleil se lève
Un rêve et une quête s’achèvent
Je ferme ce livre pour en ouvrir des neufs
À cet endroit je dis adieu

Sur la terre y’a que des ténèbres
Des êtres qui respirent dans le noir
Et si vraiment le ciel est fait des rêves
Le ciel (n')appartiendra (qu')à moi
Dans ces enfers je crie ton nom
Dans ces enfers je prie
Laisse-moi respirer, rester en vie

REFRAIN I :
Je te prie, Dieu, donne-moi l’audace
Renforce mon cœur pour affronter ces craintes
Je te prie, Dieu, donne-moi l’audace
Car j’ai besoin de me lever et leur dire
Je n’vais pas perdre

Les jours commencent et les nuits terminent
Mais je souffre lentement dans le noirJe pars d’ici et je détermine
Mon destin et mon avenir Ce qui est mon destin à moi
Ces yeux sont lourds
Mon cœur est lourd
Et ces oreilles sont sourdes
Mais ils s’ouvrent avec un souffle de puissance

REFRAIN II :
Je te prie, Dieu, donne-moi l’audace
Relève mon cœur et fais ouvrir mes oreillesJe te prie, aide-moi à trouver ma place
Car j’ai besoin de ne pas perdre ce jeu
Surtout pas maintenant

Ces rêves m’appartiennent
Cette histoire est la mienne
Je veux me retrouverEn face du monde entier
Un être puissant
(aux refrains I et II)

I initially had the tune for this song in mind, but not the lyrics. I only had three lines, among which were Je te prie, Dieu, donne-moi l'audace. And when I was in Camp Miri, I actually put pen to paper and finally finished the song. I was scared of showing it to others, particularly French-speakers and those who have a profound interest in games - but when I showed it to my fellow otaku friend (whom I'm just going to call ikanbillys), I asked her what connotation this song brings.

And she not understanding French, told me, "This is more like a song for prayer for bravery... prayer for the soldiers. Something like that."

I tell you, she really hit the nail on the head. Because that was what I was trying to achieve. Both of us envisioned the same thing (and I think even Xiggie envisioned the same thing) : we all want Le Carnet du Service National to be produced by Square Enix !

Anyhow. I'm planning this to be the ending song of Le Carnet du Service National. Please give me your feedback by e-mailing me !


Edit as of 2009.01.08 7:38 PM (UTC+8)

So here's the first correction as proposed by one of the Kingdom Hearts Francophone Wiki members (I'll decline to disclose this for now, but if you do pass by again, thank you so much ! Now, to change the melody here and there and make it rhyme) :


Sur la terre des hommes libres, le soleil se lève
Un rêve et une quête s'achèvent
Je ferme ce livre pour en ouvrir d'autres
A cet endroit, je dis adieu


Sur la Terre, il n'y a que les Ténèbres
Des êtres qui respirent dans l'ombre
Et si vraiment le ciel est fait de rêves
Le ciel m'appartiendra
Dans ces Enfers, je crie ton nom
Dans ces Enfers, je t'implore
Laisse-moi respirer, laisse-moi vivre


REFRAIN I
Je t'en prie, mon Dieu, donne-moi du courage
Renforce mon cœur pour affronter ces craintes
Je t'en prie, mon Dieu, donne-moi la force
Car j'ai besoin de me lever et de leur dire
Que la défaite ne sera pas mienne


Les jours naissent et les nuits meurent
Mais je souffre lentement dans l'ombre
Je quitte ce lieu et détermine
Quel sera mon destin
Ces yeux sont lourds
Mon cœur se fatigue
Et ces oreilles sont sourdes
Mais ils éclosent avec un dernier souffle de volonté


REFRAIN II
Je t'en prie, mon Dieu, donne-moi le sourire
Que mon cœur se relève et que mes oreilles s'ouvrent
Je t'en prie, aide-moi à savoir qui je suis
Je ne peux perdre ce chemin
Pas maintenant


Ces rêves m'appartiennent
Cette histoire est la mienne
Je veux me connaître
Face aux lueurs de ce monde
Un être fort

Reprends la voie

Aujourd’hui nous marcherons sur la même voie
Aujourd’hui les autres, toi et moi
Mais pas pour le destin que j’ai éprouvé
Un nouveau chemin à traverser

Aujourd’hui nous marcherons sur la même voie
Aujourd’hui je prends mes armes et j’irai en avant
Pour inspirer des milliers d’autres qui ont besoin d’espoir
Pour les renforcer au cœur et en dehors

REFRAIN :
Reprends la voie
Retiens mes mains
Y a des moments où le bonheur s’éteint
Marchons ensemble
Qu’importe nos différences
Ta main dans la mienne
Et ma main dans la tienne
Le soleil et le ciel
Le vent et la pluie
Ne nous arrêteront pas
Nous allons donner la vie
Reprends la voie
Une fois pour toutes
Et on verra
Comment c’est vraiment pour nous


Si le Carnet du Service National a une continuation après le 5 septembre, ce sera ma chanson thème. ^_^ Chaque fois je pense à mes expériences – soit le Service National, soit la vie antérieure – je pense toujours à la musique. Immortaliser mes expériences. En parler avec des autres. Et c’est pour ça que j’ai écrit « Sur la terre des libres », « Audace » et cette chanson – « Reprends la voie ».

Un jour je crus

Un jour je crus que nous pourrions marcher ensemble
Ma main dans la tienne et nos voix à l’unisson

…m’enfin, j'ai besoin de deux lignes de plus. Et je voudrais parler du monde idéal qui n’est pas corrompu comme le nôtre, où on peut vivre en paix, où il n’y a pas de pollution. C’est une idée pour un refrain, venant de ce texte (en anglais).

J’avais rêvé de la mélodie il y a deux ans (je compte, oui !) et jusqu’aujourd’hui je m’en souviens.

Some ideas I had in mind for quite a few new songs

Idea 1 and Idea 2 were already recorded in AMR format (i.e. the music alone). I've had trouble finding words to place in the music. All I know is for the first song, I have these lines :

Au secours, je me noie
Tu me revois, tout solitaire

which translates to :

Help, I'm drowning
You see me, all alone

I've placed some syllables in bold and in a different colour for those lines - these fall on one of the four strong beats in the bar and have to be stressed. I know this song's going to be in C# minor, and I've already devised the song structure and the chords.

For the second song, it's even more pathetic : I only have these three words -

Somewhere out there

Miserable, isn't it ? Anyhow. This one's going to be upbeat, in four time (like the first one), and it's in D minor.

The third song is something I had in mind after penning some text down in my moleskine journal. For those of us who can't parleyvoo, it's an analogy of two seasons in our lives : spring and autumn. Springtide is a time full of zest and innocence, and autumn, despite its beauty, is marred by the heat (and in humanity, it is marred by sin). I have a few experimental titles in mind : Chanson Duchemin, Chant Duchemin (both translate to Song of Duchemin, after a fictional character I had in mind who bore the Duchemin surname). It's going to be in three time, and it's in A minor.

The fourth is going to be in three time as well, and I thought of putting it in C minor, and then modulating it to a higher key - say E flat minor. A ^ sign represents a higher note. So for those who know what the names of the notes are, take a look at what I have in mind (I'm using b for the flat sign) :

Eb F G F Eb D Bb C Eb F G F Eb Bb^ G

This theme can either be a battle theme, or something breathtaking/exhiliarating. I think I should go with the latter - that is, if I can find proper lyrics to fit into that music.

And the fifth song (now, you've finally come to the end, so you can heave your sighs of relief) is going to be in E flat minor, and in four time. It's going to comprise two ideas - one original and one existing.

The original idea is... well, the steam notes I saw in the bathroom in between the months of June and July last year.

Gb Ab^ Bb^ Bb^ Ab^ Gb F Eb Bb Ab

I thought of welcoming this sign but after mom's passing in last August, I began to think of using these notes as an ominous sign. Or a battle theme. The existing idea, which is also going to be incorporated in the fifth piece, is the archaic Gregorian plainchant theme, Dies Irae :

Gb F Gb Eb F Db Eb Eb
Di - es i - rae, di - es il - la

(Darn, I can't position the lyrics under the notes... oh well. There are eight notes and eight syllables - you can find your way through, I hope.) See, I've been rather infatuated by minor keys.

EDIT (2009.03.13) : And the sixth song is finally in a major key, a change from all the dreary minor keys I used earlier. It's going to be in C major, and in four time. See, it all began when I heard the first line from La Marseillaise (the French national anthem) in my favourite cartoon, Madeleine, some years back :

G G G C C D G^

I thought of using the first line of La Marseillaise as a tribute, played on shakuhachi (or anything similar), as an introduction to a moderately fast-pased orchestrated piece (with speechlike vocals, like what most francophone singers possess today). And these are the words I have in mind - not in any particular order...

Et la matinée revient (translated : And the morning comes again)

Aux armes, citoyens ! (this is a direct quote from La Marseillaise, translated : Take your weapons, citizens ! I was planning to use this line as a quote in the bridge section, where the musicians take the limelight and every now and then, there will be blurred vocals - including this line.)

Tenez mes mains, prenez vos pas (translated : Hold my hands, take your steps)

Ce monde ne serait rien sans toi et toi sans moi (translated : This world would be nothing without me and me without you)

I need to piece these ideas together somehow. I was thinking of using them for a story I had in mind, called Les Histoires Duchemin. Or, I could use it for KHLegacy. Or a similar story. Something which has heavy French influence and involves battles, conquests, human suffering and relationships.

Imagine, I've found ideas for six songs ! So many ideas, so little time... How do I actually think of six songs in one go ? I've never done this before. Never. Ever. I must pray hard for inspiration.

Puis qu'en oubli (Hommage à Guillaume de Machaut)

[Choir sings]

Puis qu'en oubli sui de vous dous amis

Vie amoureuse et joie à dieu commant

Mar vi le jour que m'amour en vous mis

Puis qu'en oublie sui de vous dous amis

Mais ce tenray que je vous ay promis

C'est que jamais n'aray nul autre amant

Puis qu'en oubli sui de vous dous amis

Vie amoureuse et joie à dieu commant

[TroisNyx* sings]

T'es plus là

Je ressens un espace vide

Laisse-moi voler si tu n'as pas aimé

L'être que je suis

T'es plus là

Je ressens une certaine douleur

Je reçois des nouvelles ailes

L'espoir décolle en hauteur

REFRAIN :

Ah, laisse-moi sourire

Je veux partir d'ici

Je veux sentir la vie

Ah, l'envie décolle

J'ai des ailes pour voler

Et te mettre à l'oubli...

T'es plus là

Je ressens un espace vide

Laisse-moi voler si tu n'as pas aimé

L'être que je suis

(au refrain)

Now, I understand that the majority of Malaysians are neither native francophones nor French-speakers, so I'll provide a translation :

Choir section :

Since I am forgotten by you, sweet friend # I say farewell to a life of joy and love # Ill-fated was the day I gave my love to you # Since I am forgotten by you, sweet friend # But I will keep the promise that I once made to you # That I will have none other lover than you # Since I am forgotten by you, sweet friend # I say farewell to a life of joy and love

TroisNyx* sings :

You're no longer there # I feel an empty space once again # Let my fly if you have not loved # The being that I am # You're no longer there # I feel a certain pain once again # I receive new wings # Hope takes off at its highest # 

CHORUS : Ah... Let me smile # I want to go away from here # I want to have a taste of life # Ah... Envy takes off # I have wings to fly # And put you in oblivion

 

And after that, it's a repetition of the first verse once again.

Truth be told, I got inspired after reading Music : An Appreciation by Roger Kamien while doing my DipABRSM preparation last year (for which, I failed). In the Medieval Ages section, I came across this text (the choir section text) by Guillaume de Machaut. That was a proper melancholic song. However, the tune was different - it was repetitive, and had only two different lines to its name. And so I shifted its key and gave it a totally new tune.

See, de Machaut once did fall in love. But since he was actually forgotten by his lover, he wrote this. And TroisNyx's section, i.e. my section, is pretty much a modernised addition to everything. Years ago, when I first learned French (I think that was in 2004), I came up with the chords for the verse and chorus, and I only had the lines "Je veux partir d'ici, je veux sentir la vie" - well, at least now it has come to completion.

So what do I intend to do with this ? Perhaps join the choir at the first instant, and then.... move to the drum kit, play and sing. I'm intending this to be an almost heavy song (except that there's no screaming).

Any drummers out there who can tell me where to find a niiiiiiiiiiice pair of 2C's (as in really, really thick drumsticks) ? Remember that this song is partly rockish.

Oh, and guess how I am going to do the choir section ? Just like Enya : see, I know Enya's secret now. One voice, by Enya herself, layered 80 times. Backup voices, also by Enya, layered around 40 times, creating a virtual choir. Of course, this will not be used during live performances - have to find real choir singers for those.