A work from 2006

I.
I want to see you face to face,
‘Till you find yourself and where to start.
[To tell you to live on, though I depart.]
I want to feel your warmth and grace
[I want to feel the warmth ‘f your embrace,]
Till death, forever, do us part.
And heads will roll and skies will darken between us forevermore
And all I ask is why I have to leave now, I implore !
[Though thorns may prick us, ‘tis a bed of roses, truly, that grows —
Yet now I fear our happiness is come to its close.]
Before I leave [you in] this perfect place
I want your love from the heart
[I will ever hold you, deep in my heart.]

CHORUS :
And let me leave, yeah… All’s well and ends well
[And though I leave, let all be well and all end well…]
Let me cry, yeah… All’s well and ends well
[And though we cry, let all be well and all end well…]

II.
I wanna see you once again
[I want to see you one more time,]
Till we go into our separate ways
[Though we must go our separate ways.]
I don’t wanna be in disdain
[Though all the world grows gray with rime,]
Breaking all our hopes from these days
[You make summer ‘f my last days.]
And when the time has come I’ll have to go back to [make my home] where I belong
And so it’s now or never, you won’t be seeing me for long !
[And so I cannot live as though life were long.]
Before you walk home in the rain
Know that I’ll be with you always

Do those lyrics sound overly emo or what ?

The provisory title is My Bequests — I'm thinking of retitling this song. Right now I'm in the midst of resequencing it on Fruity Loops.

When I wrote this song in 2006, I had no idea mom was going to die that way. I didn’t know it was a premonition of sorts. The idea for this set of lyrics, and ultimately, this song, is quite macabre. After witnessing several unfortunate souls being carried out from the intensive care unit (and from the high dependency ward) to the mortuary....... anyone would conclude that being in hospital is depressing. And thus this song, melodramatic as it is, goes out to all those who have lost their loved ones to illnesses, or medical blunders. I should know how you feel, because I lost my mom in the same way as you did. And, melodramatic as it may seem, she spent 99 days in hospital. She died on the 100th day. A perfectly sad ending.

Some time later I re-recorded my playing in my phone and handed it over to a friend, complete with the lyrics. But I didn’t sing into it because imagine – throaty voice and .amr recording – what a complete mess it’ll be ! She liked it. I somehow was moved by the song when I first recorded it. My teacher was moved. I guess I did accomplish my first mission – to touch hearts. And this was the first English song I ever wrote.

Yet, I'm aware that it's subject to revision, and that there needs to be a new title and possibly a new set of lyrics.

In case you need an idea of the look and feel :

• Those of you who remember the time Hallmark Channel existed, I had used the main chord pattern from a jingle for the trailer for Fielder's Choice. However, I can't find it on YT...
• Read my article "Whatever happened to the medical profession ?"  
• Watch the ending of Final Fantasy X (yes, the one where Tidus disappears into pyreflies - dies).
• Also watch these Kingdom Hearts clips : Another Side Another Story, Deep Dive and Sora v Roxas - for the rain and the darkness. These can easily be found on YouTube. 
• Listen to Coldplay — Clocks, from middle section to the end. Look out for the upper register piano. I might be making use of that.

Down the Tyburn trail, in visuals

This is a continuation of my previous post, Down the Tyburn trail.


As I had stated some time back, I'd be uploading pix and vids of the trip. Now, not all of them actually got through to YT because of coding issues. Regardless, at least most of the major place visits actually got through.

The exterior of Westminster Abbey.

And this is the related vid (the picture was snapped automatically when this video was taken).

I don't know why this camera shot Fr Mark Vickers in such a position (yeah, I know XD), but this is when we visited the inner section of Westminster Abbey.

This is the related vid.

Down the cloisters where the Benedictine monks once carried out their work.

This is the vid related to the picture.

Within the cloisters, at the east section, was a place called the Chapter House. Now, I had actually taken a vid of this but it just won't upload... so I'll only have to make do with the picture for now. You see, it'd be so much better if I have the vid with me - because sections of the walls in this place depict the vision of John in Revelations. The wall straight ahead of us had the Final Judgement painted on it !

If I'm not mistaken, this is St Margaret's. Not even sure if it's Margaret or Marguerite... One thing's for sure, it's the little church to the left. That's where MPs celebrate Mass. And MP here does not mean Mana, it means Members of Parliament.

The area in front of the London Eye used to be a prison where people tried and convicted for apparent treason, felons and criminals of all kinds - even those in quotation marks - were detained and tortured before the long journey to Tyburn.

Westminster Hall, from where we were standing. (Captured in the picture are Damian and Gonçalo.)

Since we were in Westminster and the House of Parliament wasn't very far away, I captured... Big Ben. *facepalms* Yes, I know. People at home are looking to see it, but over here no one would probably bother. :P

And in this vid which I captured in front of Westminster Hall, Fr Mark Vickers gives an account (which he found in writing) of what had been said during the corrupt trials in Westminster Hall.

Outside the Knights Templar.

And in this vid, Fr Mark describes what had happened in the Knights Templar.

The exterior of St Paul's Cathedral - once Catholic, but annexed by the Anglicans during the Reformation era. I don't know why, but I love this pic... the angles, the sky behind it... : )

And finally, the long walk to Tyburn.

That aside, I've constantly been thinking about the journey from Westminster to Tyburn, and I knew that bridges needed to be built, the Church needs to come to full communion once more.

I spoke to a friend, who was raised as a Protestant but despised factionalism... and desired orthodoxy, and I told him about my journey to Tyburn. I told him that I only had one idea for a song, but the only thing that appeared in my head was au sommet de la haine et de l'amour - at the summit of hatred and love.

And this is what he wrote :


Upon the hill were gather’d Hate and Love
One with his head raised high, the other knelt
To whisper words unheard but warmly felt—
One carried axes, the other a dove.


An haughty voice read words writ from above
And claimed his will was where all goodness dwelt
The other whispered words yet warmly felt—
One carried axes, the other a dove.


All o’er the land was heard an iron note
That fell with the stroke of the noontide hour
And chill’d all hearts with its bombasting pow’r.

The air grew still in each spectator’s throat
When with a fading chime so much was lost
For greater still shall be the final cost.

We ended the day with Mass in remembrance of the people who were martyred at Tyburn.
This, in the words of my dear friend, is a scar on Lady Brittania which has yet to heal.

There's gotta be a morning after

There's gotta be a morning after all that despair and sorrow.

There's gotta be a day where all those dreams come true.

I don't know what comes in store later or tomorrow.

But whatever happens, I'll leave it unto You.

Amen.

No gift to bring

If I was young, I’d be strong
I’d be ready all along
To give you something from within
Now I am grown, and I fear
That I might never find you here
And I have no gift to bring

All is calm, all is bright
I want to be with you tonight
Unworthy as I am
I want to share in your light
As I play my drum tonight
Though I know where I stand

Please say it’s not too late
To give my heart, to fall prostrate
What can I give, poor as I am ?
Tell me what can I do with these hands ?

This is all I’m able to write for now without having to go all misty-eyed. This vid, this song, is going to be poignant. I was always intrigued by that Christmas carol – The Little Drummer Boy – and I am a drummer myself, albeit a struggling one.

Now picture this : say I am the grown figure, the subject of the song (I’ll be using the name of the main character of CDSN – Aimée Duchemin). The subject of the song is a grown-up young woman, who remembers that God listens to children’s prayers, and wonders if she might have a place with God… now that she’s all grown up. We take the young woman’s personality into account : this kindly young woman has always yearned to play the drums well. And let’s assume that this takes place somewhere else apart from MY, because it doesn’t snow in MY. So in between the story, every now and then, there’ll be a close-up of me singing the lyrics above.

I come out from church, place flowers on mom’s niche, which is all covered in snow, and I walk alone on the snow-covered paths, back home. The lights are all off, except for a lit Christmas tree with presents underneath it, and some star-shaped Christmas lights adorning the living room. There’s a gift which grabs my attention – an unusually bulky one. I take that first, as it has been years since I actually touched a bulky gift. I carefully open the ribbon, then the box. There’s a drum, a nice pair of drumsticks (with grips), and a note :

“Dear Aimée,

If you read this, remember that I’m always in your heart. I’m looking after you and I will always love you.

*I’m sorry, I need to wipe my tears first*

I know how much you’ve longed to show me how good a drummer you were, and I know how much you’d have loved me to guide you. I’m sorry I had to go. I got this some time ago, hoping to give it to you as a surprise gift for Christmas.

Please, don’t be discouraged because I’m not around. Remember, today is a celebration of Jesus’ birth. He wants to come into your heart ; receive him. Don’t hesitate to play your drum – He’s listening. I’m listening. Don’t forget : the rhythm that you play should come from the heart, so give your heart to Him.

Merry Christmas
Love you lots.

Mom”

*okay, I broke down thrice writing this note*

Back to the story : I’m still seated by the Christmas tree. I read the note. Tears well up in my eyes. I put the note aside, strap the drum on my right shoulder and begin playing.

Memories come flowing in. Memories of my childhood. That particular time, back when I was three, when mom gave me the gift of rhythm. Happy thoughts. Sad ones. I look up to the ceiling, tears still in my eyes. I close my eyes and I pound on the drum with all that my heart can give.

I end, quite abruptly, and I break down. A heavenly light beams from outside the window…


So that's how the vid shall end.


I don't know if I'll ever feel the same banging the drums on Christmas morning. But I hope that there'd be a greater presence in my heart - His presence - so I know I won't be left unguided.

An idea for a song

The whole purpose is to unite us. Not sure if I'll finish it though.



Hold my hand, walk the road with me
Let's take the road to dawn
Under the rays of the sun
I want you to lead me on

Hold my hand, walk the road with me
Take me to what your heart says

Stay

It all felt so close

Here I am trying too hard to breathe

And hope you come back to me

Tell me why you went away

CHORUS :

How many times do I have to say that I love you

How many times do I have to say

That I don't want you to go away

Tell me why your love is never falling on me

How many times do I have to say

That I need... you... to stay

A broken soul torn apart

You can't be leaving me that way

I never destroyed your life when you came into mine

But you, you're gone away from me

(repeat chorus)

BRIDGE :

How many times do I have to say that I need you

How many times do I have to get you back

Into my arms in every way

Tell me why you're keeping yourself away from me

How many times do I have to say that I need you...

(repeat chorus)

There, another English number from yours truly. I did this song impromptu this morning and I had trouble actually figuring out the lyrics when I listened to my first AMR draft. Anyhow, this is the full set of it. I had the tune for the chorus in mind a very long time ago, but I didn't think I'd put it to use today. Praise God, another song. ^_^

This is one of the few songs I've composed which has a bridge.

Somewhere out there

Somewhere out there I see a shining star
Waiting out in the night for all to see
What can I wish ?
What can I hope for ?
All I can do is tell myself that one day
Somewhere out there, someone’s waiting for me
Somewhere out there, someone’s waiting to make my dreams come true

Somewhere out there I hear of something new
Dawning upon me, taking all my breath away
When can I see the sun shining down on me ?
All I can do is tell myself that one day
Somewhere out there, something good is happening
Somewhere out there, someone’s waiting to make my dreams come true

Somewhere out there...
Somewhere out there...

Somewhere out there, someone’s waiting for me
Somewhere out there, someone’s waiting to make my dreams come true
Something good is happening somewhere out there
Someone’s waiting to make my dreams come true
Something good is happening somewhere out there
Someone’s waiting to make my dreams come true…


Finally, one of my six song ideas materialised. For starters, it's the one in D minor with a rather upbeat tone. This is my first (English) song in a very long while. The words are few, but the message should be powerful enough - I'm trying to remain as optimistic as possible, and I have the reserved hope that my musical dreams will come true.


Try to imagine this : not very long ago (I think, two days ago), I only had three words in mind : Somewhere out there. Today, praise the Lord ! - it's a full song. :-)


NB : To those whom I have given the audio draft of Somewhere Out There, be forewarned : one of the lyrics sounds like a swear due to poor recording quality. I'm sorry about that - but rest assured, no swears slipped out of my mouth.

Some ideas I had in mind for quite a few new songs

Idea 1 and Idea 2 were already recorded in AMR format (i.e. the music alone). I've had trouble finding words to place in the music. All I know is for the first song, I have these lines :

Au secours, je me noie
Tu me revois, tout solitaire

which translates to :

Help, I'm drowning
You see me, all alone

I've placed some syllables in bold and in a different colour for those lines - these fall on one of the four strong beats in the bar and have to be stressed. I know this song's going to be in C# minor, and I've already devised the song structure and the chords.

For the second song, it's even more pathetic : I only have these three words -

Somewhere out there

Miserable, isn't it ? Anyhow. This one's going to be upbeat, in four time (like the first one), and it's in D minor.

The third song is something I had in mind after penning some text down in my moleskine journal. For those of us who can't parleyvoo, it's an analogy of two seasons in our lives : spring and autumn. Springtide is a time full of zest and innocence, and autumn, despite its beauty, is marred by the heat (and in humanity, it is marred by sin). I have a few experimental titles in mind : Chanson Duchemin, Chant Duchemin (both translate to Song of Duchemin, after a fictional character I had in mind who bore the Duchemin surname). It's going to be in three time, and it's in A minor.

The fourth is going to be in three time as well, and I thought of putting it in C minor, and then modulating it to a higher key - say E flat minor. A ^ sign represents a higher note. So for those who know what the names of the notes are, take a look at what I have in mind (I'm using b for the flat sign) :

Eb F G F Eb D Bb C Eb F G F Eb Bb^ G

This theme can either be a battle theme, or something breathtaking/exhiliarating. I think I should go with the latter - that is, if I can find proper lyrics to fit into that music.

And the fifth song (now, you've finally come to the end, so you can heave your sighs of relief) is going to be in E flat minor, and in four time. It's going to comprise two ideas - one original and one existing.

The original idea is... well, the steam notes I saw in the bathroom in between the months of June and July last year.

Gb Ab^ Bb^ Bb^ Ab^ Gb F Eb Bb Ab

I thought of welcoming this sign but after mom's passing in last August, I began to think of using these notes as an ominous sign. Or a battle theme. The existing idea, which is also going to be incorporated in the fifth piece, is the archaic Gregorian plainchant theme, Dies Irae :

Gb F Gb Eb F Db Eb Eb
Di - es i - rae, di - es il - la

(Darn, I can't position the lyrics under the notes... oh well. There are eight notes and eight syllables - you can find your way through, I hope.) See, I've been rather infatuated by minor keys.

EDIT (2009.03.13) : And the sixth song is finally in a major key, a change from all the dreary minor keys I used earlier. It's going to be in C major, and in four time. See, it all began when I heard the first line from La Marseillaise (the French national anthem) in my favourite cartoon, Madeleine, some years back :

G G G C C D G^

I thought of using the first line of La Marseillaise as a tribute, played on shakuhachi (or anything similar), as an introduction to a moderately fast-pased orchestrated piece (with speechlike vocals, like what most francophone singers possess today). And these are the words I have in mind - not in any particular order...

Et la matinée revient (translated : And the morning comes again)

Aux armes, citoyens ! (this is a direct quote from La Marseillaise, translated : Take your weapons, citizens ! I was planning to use this line as a quote in the bridge section, where the musicians take the limelight and every now and then, there will be blurred vocals - including this line.)

Tenez mes mains, prenez vos pas (translated : Hold my hands, take your steps)

Ce monde ne serait rien sans toi et toi sans moi (translated : This world would be nothing without me and me without you)

I need to piece these ideas together somehow. I was thinking of using them for a story I had in mind, called Les Histoires Duchemin. Or, I could use it for KHLegacy. Or a similar story. Something which has heavy French influence and involves battles, conquests, human suffering and relationships.

Imagine, I've found ideas for six songs ! So many ideas, so little time... How do I actually think of six songs in one go ? I've never done this before. Never. Ever. I must pray hard for inspiration.

Cordelia's song

Remember when I was
Your greatest treasure of all
Remember when I was
Gone and the sky would fall all around you
Hold me now
Draw me close to you

CHORUS:
Tell me why you never loved me dearly
Tell me why I was never one of yours
If in one shining moment I could feel your hands again
Tell me when will I ever hear you say
I'm yours

Remember when I was
Yours and yours only
Remember when I was
Your earth and sky and sea
Hold me now
Draw me close to you
(repeat chorus)

For starters, this was a reference to literary work: Shakespeare's King Lear. For those who do not go for Literature class, read on.

Imagine a single parent, the King of England, whose name is Lear. He had three daughters, Gonerill, Regan and Cordelia. His favourite daughter was Cordelia. Now, it came to pass that Lear wanted a declaration of love - a public one - from his three daughters. He was hoping to divide the kingdom into three parts (a chunk of it would go to Cordelia), and give each part to each daughter. Gonerill and Regan flattered Lear with all their poetry and their versions of the love declaration. Cordelia, on the other hand, was saying everything that she would say - her true love for her father was expressed when she said something that went like "I love you as a child would love his father. No more, no less." Lear was shocked, and all the more disappointed, and with two suitors (the Duke of Burgundy and the King of France) waiting for Cordelia's hand, he was angry. He disowned Cordelia but the King of France took her hand in marriage because of the down-to-earth person that she was. As for Gonerill and Regan, they got the land Lear promised to them, plus halves of Cordelia's part, and Lear became king only in name. And can you beat it, Lear even parted ways with his crown and it was "split up" between Gonerill's and Regan's husbands, Albany and Cornwall !

It was only later that when Lear hoped to stay with Gonerill and Regan that he knew their true colours. Both of them didn't really love him; they were just greedy for the property and the power. They didn't allow Lear to bring his soldiers along with him, and they treated him badly - such that he let all the four elements take their course on him, he lived a vagabond, he lost everything - his land, his power, the love he hoped his daughters would give him, and even his clothes ! The only people who were loyal to him were the Earl of Kent, and of course - Cordelia, who was hoping to see her father once more.

Soon after (here, I write in present tense because this is the setting of Cordelia's Song), the French army comes to England, led by Cordelia, hoping to retrieve Lear and restore him. However, England wages war on France and several people are captured. Gonerill and Regan attack each other (because they're in love with the same person) and both die; Cordelia is captured and hanged to death. Halfway in his insanity, he sees the dead body of Cordelia and comes to his senses. He dies shortly after.

I heard this entire description in one Literature class during my AS Levels preparation, but I knew I'd be doing it for A2 - the second half. I almost sobbed. And I wanted to write something on it immediately when I came home. I summarised the entire passage on Cordelia in King Lear into just two verses and a chorus, perhaps for emotional suppression. I wrote this on 2008/10/11 ; it's only today that I put it here - I don't know, perhaps to create a gap between the previous set of lyrics and today's ?

Sunrise

When I wake up every morning to the sunrise

When I see its rays shining bright

When I see the glory of Your love

A new day's dawned in here

I see the colors that You've painted

I see the glory of creation

And I know Your love is falling on me

It's getting high in here

CHORUS:

I wake up to the sunrise

Every hour of the day

Every time, everywhere, I would be singing Your praise

And standing on the promises, it just isn't enough

For Your reach, it is so great, to me......

When I walk on by these corridors of old

When I see the people passing by

And I wave hello and say goodbye

I see Your face in them...

(repeat chorus)